Another alligator

West Columbia is a town right next to Lake Jackson, where my mom lives.

Big news

As it turns out, that little blob is a baby. Despite positive pregnancy tests, constant exhaustion, olfactory superpowers, and a tendency to be nauseous all day long (morning sickness, my ass), I didn't really believe there was anything in there until I saw its heart beating on the screen. It was both amazing and creepy at the same time, and I don't think it has sunk in yet.

Alligator

It might be hard to see, but I swear, that's an alligator in the middle of the picture. It was floating lazily in the creek in my Mom's backyard. How cool is that?

Quick update

I am out of town and away from computers, but so far my weekend has included weddings and alligators. Pictures coming soon.

Yearly haircut

Somehow, cutting off all your hair makes you feel very free. And a little lightheaded.

Storm

Pictures from a storm two nights ago. Note the eerie glow behind the hills, like the world is on fire.

Black thumb, green pinkie?

I have always had the amazing ability to kill any plant, no matter how healthy, within a very short period of time. Even things like ivy plants, which are supposedly super easy to grow. And it doesn't even require me to actually own or be in charge of caring for the plant. I just have to be near them. However, it turns out that I seem to have super powers when it come to lucky bamboo plants.

Exhibit One:


Please note the size of the pot for scale. This thing has been sitting on my desk at work for approximately two years, and has just recently become a floor plant at the request of my cube neighbors (sitting on my desk, it was towering menacingly and casting shadows).

Exhibit Two:


This one is a bamboo that is on my windowsill at home - it isn't freakishly large (yet), but it is insanely green and healthy. This might not seem amazing, until you realize that I don't think I've ever watered it. I haven't tested my powers on anything else, but I'll keep you updated.

More impressive spam

I suspect that maybe the authors of my porn spam have been brushing up on their vocabularies. Maybe they are reading the Reader's Digest Word Power column? Or maybe they are even taking classes at their local community colleges? Either way, I wish them luck because a good vocabulary is a first step towards getting a job that does not place you on a rank below bacteria. (I almost used a certain common derogatory phrase, but then didn't because I read an article about how it's a much more offensive word than I thought).

Anyway, here is a brief list of vocabulary words, culled only from the porn I deleted this morning:

Adept
Aesthetic
Alluring
Beauteous
Exuberant
Goluptious
Picturesque
Pulchritudinous (Yes, again. It's becoming quite the favorite among porn spam writers.)

Impressive, no?

Lessons

Today, I bought myself a cute little electric lawn mower and mowed my (tiny) lawn for the first time.

I learned the following:

• My neighbors apparently enjoy the spectacle of me not having any clue what I'm doing. They especially liked the part where the mower kept coming unplugged and I kept having to run over to the garage to fix it.
• Ants are too small to be killed by a lawn mower, and will retaliate if you mow over their pile (Felix, I should have learned from your comment)
• No matter how hot it is, pants should be worn around a weedeater.
• Weedeaters can take out an entire bush in a few seconds, despite the fact that you were totally not even close
• Edging is for people who have nothing better to do

Spam and SAT words

I got a spam mail today titled (in part):

"pulchritudinous Youngestt Schoolgirl in hard..."

Milestones

This is my first new car:


It is also my first car with power locks, power windows, and turn signals that can turn themselves off. Also, it has air conditioning, which is a nice change, to put it mildly.

Posting might be scarce for the next few weeks. I am extremely busy at work, and I've also been feeling a little under the weather. I'll be back soon all new and shiny, just like my toaster-on-wheels.

Yucky Bugs - part 874

This ant was in the top corner of my shower the other day.


Maybe you can't tell from the picture, but it's about 3/4 inch long, which is an entirely unacceptable length for an ant. Having spent my entire life in Texas, I have a healthy terror of fire ants. Once when I was very little, I was standing in a pile of them and didn't notice until they all started stinging me at once. My legs were covered all the way up to my knees. I remember screaming and frantically swatting my legs, and I think my mom saved me by grabbing the water hose and spraying them off. I don't think fire ants get this large, but even the possibility that a colony of giant, mutant fire ants is setting up housekeeping near my bathroom is, um, unpleasant.

Her Kind

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month? Me neither. And I think it's a dumb idea, but I will use it as an excuse to post a poem anyway.

I have gone out, a possessed witch,

haunting the black air, braver at night;

dreaming evil, I have done my hitch

over the plain houses, light by light:

lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.

A woman like that is not a woman, quite.

I have been her kind.

I have found the warm caves in the woods,

filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,

closets, silks, innumerable goods;

fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:

whining, rearranging the disaligned.

A woman like that is misunderstood.

I have been her kind.

I have ridden in your cart, driver,

waved my nude arms at villages going by,

learning the last bright routes, survivor

where your flames still bite my thigh

and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.

A woman like that is not ashamed to die.

I have been her kind.

-Anne Sexton

p.s. the Blogger spellchecker, which continually amuses me, would like to replace the word 'skillets' with 'skullduggery', 'p.s.' with 'pooh', and 'spellchecker' with 'splicer'