The saga of the cigarette

I quit smoking almost three years ago. I have had occasional cravings, but mostly I didn't think about it. When I first got pregnant, I started having daily cravings. I never acted on them, of course, but I joked with everyone that I was going to pack a single cigarette in my hospital bag to get it out of my system as soon as the baby was born.

A few weeks ago, a friend from work presented me with a large matchbox that contained one cigarette, a single match, and a Starbucks gift card (a vice box - she got Laura a big bottle of wine). She said that way I wouldn't have to buy an entire pack and be tempted to smoke more.

I saved the cigarette and finally decided to smoke it yesterday. I handed Saul over to B and went out on the porch. The friend had wrapped the cigarette in saran wrap so that it would stay fresh. I spent about 20 minutes trying to unwrap it. In tearing the last piece of plastic away, I also tore the cigarette in half. There was now only about an inch left on the filter.

Oh well, I thought, I probably wouldn't have smoked the whole thing anyway. I lit the match and as I brought it to the small piece of cigarette in my lips, it went out.

I don't own cigarette lighters anymore, and I don't keep matches around the house. I considered lighting it on the gas stove, but finally decided I shouldn't fight fate.

Maybe next time I have a baby I'll try it again.

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