Apartment Carpet

Five jokes I like:

1. Why did the ant cross the mobius strip? To get to the other....um....

2. A pirate walks into a bar. He has a steering wheel growing out of his crotch. The bartender says "hey, pirate, why do you have a steering wheel growing out of your crotch?" The pirate says "argh, matey, I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

3. A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. The police asked him "are you sure you haven't just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure it's really lost?" The atom replied "I'm positive."

4. Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn when he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

5. Once upon a time, there was a king with a pretty daughter and an ugly daughter whose kingdom was being menaced by a dangerous dragon. The king sent out a notice all over the land that whoever could slay the dragon would be entitled to half of his kingdom and the hand of either his pretty daughter or his ugly daughter. A prince from a far off land heard the notice and rode across the land and slew the dragon. When he went to the king, the king said "Prince, you have killed the dragon and saved my kingdom. I will give you half of my kingdom and the hand of either my pretty daughter or my ugly daughter. Which would you prefer?" The prince thought about it for a moment and then replied, "Your majesty, since this is a fairy tale, I think I would prefer your son." (Thanks, Mr. Axe)