Better

So I was a little bit stressed out last week. Saul continued to run a fever through Saturday night and developed a little bit of a cough too, but he has recovered. I have made some adjustments to our nursing format and schedule, and it seems to have resulted in a much happier baby.

On Sunday afternoon, B took over for awhile so I could go to the gym and work off some stress. Away from everything for the first time in days, I was able to do some thinking. I am naturally an obsessive worrier. I think I instinctively realized that Saul wasn't getting enough to eat, and I panicked when the doctor confirmed my fears. But the changes I made have made me feel better. I now feel confident that he is full and happy. When we go back to the doctor on Wednesday, even if the scale doesn't show much change, I am not going to supplement. I have decided that I need to trust my instincts about what's best for Saul, and not let my doubts and fears get in the way.

Basically, I realized that I can't be a good mother unless I stop worrying and obsessing over every decision. I have to just be a good mother, even if I'm faking it most of the time.