My eyes hurt

Yesterday, we had Sebastian put to sleep. He has had escalating aggression issues since he was 18 months old. It had gotten to the point where he was a serious danger to our neighbors. We tried everything we could think of. We even put him on anti-anxiety medicines. As a last ditch effort, we paid for a consultation with a well-known dog trainer/behaviorist. He told us that we needed to put him down and then offered us our money back. None of that made it any easier, and I still feel guilty.

Yesterday, Sebastian and I played with his favorite squeaky toy, doggie news. Then we went to the park and splashed in the creek. On the way home, he stuck his head out the window and I stopped at McDonalds and bought him some fries and two cheeseburgers. B came home early from work and we all spent some time together. Then we took him to the vet.

He died with his head in B's lap and with both of us petting him.

Other people saw a dog who would plaster himself against our front door growling and barking if a kid on a bicycle went by, a dog who had bitten people and drawn blood, a dog who had to be locked away whenever we had visitors. But to me and B, and a small, select group of trusted people, he was an incredibly sweet dog. He just wanted to sit and stare adoringly into your eyes and shake hands over and over again.

I'm totally at a loss. Sebastian has been my companion for almost seven years; my entire adult life. I have cried so much that my eyelids are rubbed raw. I miss him so much. The last thing I said to him was "I'm so sorry."


J said...

Oh, I'm sad for you. That had to be so incredibly difficult.

You all are in my thoughts.


Such a sad story....I know that had to be terribly hard to do. I am so sorry. My tears are falling as I write this. My heart breaks for my love of dogs and all animals. I am truly sorry.

Peace....Lj...T&J's mommy

Stinkydog said...

Steph, as a person who often deals with the result when people *aren't* as responsible with their aggressive dogs, let me just say that first, I'm sorry you had to deal with that and secondly, thank you. It's not easy to go through what you did, but it's a ton better than pushing the problem off on someone else and trusting that someone else would treat him as humanely as you did. As much as it sucks, he died knowing he was loved and that's more than most dogs know, especially those just dropped off at the shelter. You did the right thing.