The good and the bad

The good:

I think Saul and I have really got this nursing thing figured out. I have learned how to effectively pump at work, and I am mostly able to keep up with him. We have started giving him between 2 and 4 ounces of formula after his last feeding of the night to help him sleep longer. If we don't, then he wants to nurse constantly all night long and neither of us get any sleep. I didn't want to have to supplement at all, but he's been having quite the growth spurt lately, so that's the only way to keep up. Sometimes nursing can be inconvenient. For instance, when I want to work on my computer, or do some laundry, or work in the yard, or do anything that requires more than 45 minutes of time. But mostly, I love that I am forced to sit down every couple of hours, hold my baby close, and marvel at how beautiful he is and what a miracle it is that I can sustain an entire life with my body. He has taken to throwing both arms around my breast while he eats, and it makes me melt every time.

The bad:

Boy, is he sick. He's been coughing and snorting and stuffed up for a few days now, but this morning was terrible. He was running a fever, he didn't want to eat, and he was crying, but without any energy. His coughing was sounding suspiciously like a bark, and he could barely breathe through all the snot in his nose. I am at work while B is staying home with him until his doctor's appointment this afternoon. But I find myself anxiously wondering if he's ok, wondering if he's able to sleep, wondering if the Tylenol is bringing his fever down. Babies can't taking decongestants, so all we can do for him is keep him upright, suction out his nose, and sit in the shower with him. Before he was born, I thought the hard part of being a parent would be staying up all night with a sick baby and then having to go to work. I imagined how sleepy and miserable and stressed I would be. But now I understand that my own exhaustion is nothing compared to the heartbreak I feel when I know my baby is hurting and I can't fix it.

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